The thing is, I am fully aware of everything that I need to do in order to achieve my life goals and dreams. My goals are all possibilities, and they are in my reach, at least theoretically. I know the things I need to be doing, and it just isn’t complicated. It’s things as simple as attending school so that I can graduate with my degree so that I can have the career and life I want; it’s as simple as going from A to B. It is.
I just need to go from point A to point B, it’s all I need to do, and I KNOW it. I do. And every day I feel like all around me I see everyone else doing this successfully. I see people proceeding on their intended path and going from point A to point B purely by doing what they know they need to do in order to succeed and to get what they want.
It isn’t impossible. It isn’t even hard. I just need to go from point A to point B and I can be happy and good at life for once. IT IS SO EASY.
Yet is seems like at some point I got lost between point A and B, and now I spend most of my time wandering aimlessly over around point Q, which mostly consists of watching too many shitty made-for-TV movies and eating too many snacks and drinking too much wine and going out too much and shopping too much and generally being an unproductive and irresponsible fake-adult.
The path I need to be on is so simple and achievable, yet it often feels like I am just trapped in a completely different world. Like I don’t know how to get from disastrous and destructive (yet oh so fun) point Q back to where I need to be.
And it’s really really frustrating, because I have made life so much harder for myself than it needs to be.
Irregardless is not a fucking word. You sound illiterate. Stop. The word you are searching for is regardless.
Can you please also learn the different between reign and rein, past and passed, allusion and illusion, elicit and illicit, disinterested and uninterested, loose and lose, affect and effect, alternate and alternative, allowed and aloud, irony and coincidence, compliment and complement, accept and except, and so on?! Words are important, and these are all different words with different meanings.
Oh, and ‘suppose to’ is also incorrect.
Friends help friends go shopping for strap-ons.
And it’s giving me all these feelings about wanting to wife up RIGHTTHISMINUTE and have a hodgepodge family with like 5 kids and lalalalala
Uhhhhh slow down there biological clock…. :l
When I woke up in downtown Calgary on Friday morning, I was in the middle of the evacuation zone in an apartment building with no electricity.
Hey look, VICE wrote a sweet article about my city and our “flood of the century” that happened last week!
It’s a good read with some amazing photos, you should go take a look so you can see what my city has been going through.
Almost nothing fills me with more rage than coming into the kitchen in the morning and seeing someone else (especially someone who isn’t a member of my household) drinking from my coffee mug.
YO THAT IS MY FUCKING KITTEN MUG GET YOUR GRUBBY HANDS AWAY FROM IT
I was just offered baked goods and told that I should “feel free to enjoy them all, because you obviously don’t have a problem being fat!”
I know that I tend to read too much into people’s words, but sometimes I can’t help it with comments like that. I know this lady meant ZERO offense and so I’m not taking any of course. But I am still left thinking about the implications of her words and their (unintentional) meaning.
Like…is it only okay to eat sweets because I’m not overweight? If I was overweight, does that make it not permissible to enjoy whatever foods I want? I know this lady was just being kind offering me some (delicious) baked goods but I can’t help but feel uncomfortable and wish that she had left out the comment about my body size??
ANYONE ELSE?! Discuss your experiences with or feelings and thoughts on the subject of people policing (or reinforcing!) your eating habits based upon your body size.
Not anonymous messages in general.
But anonymous messages from people who tell me I am obliged to act a certain way, speak a certain way, and feel a certain way, yes.
Telling me I HAVE to be kind and polite to strangers online doesn’t feel very different than someone telling me I HAVE to be kind and polite to strangers in real life.
You misunderstand. It’s not that I am entitled to rudeness, it’s that you (as an anonymous stranger) are not entitled to my politeness. And I am not obliged to be nice to you.
BUT I USUALLY AM NICE. If you have ever messaged me from your account you are aware that I responded with kindness. If you’ve followed and read my blog for any length of time, you are also aware that I respond nicely to anons more often than not.
But I do not OWE you that niceness. I don’t owe you anything. Politeness and a lack of sass is not a fucking rent I pay for running a blog. It’s just not. If you don’t like my blog, then don’t read it and don’t follow it. On any given day I have approx 250-300 messages sitting in my inbox. I do not have the time let alone the desire to reply to every single one of those messages with a length of gratitude. Why would you think I am held to such a commitment?
Stop speaking out of a place of ignorance. Message me on your account (today or any other day), and I can almost guarantee you will receive a reply that is polite, friendly, and downright NICE. Or go to my blog and click on the link for personal posts; there are dozens (if not hundreds) of anonymous messages where I have replied nicely and tried my best to offer advice and support.
I am not a mean person. Anyone who knows me can assure you of that. But regardless of my personality, I DO NOT OWE YOU ANYTHING. You are a grey face. If you don’t have the respect to even message me on your own account, how could you think you anonymously deserve kind words from me?
In life in general I believe strongly in manners, politeness, and being kind to others. So if you want a GENUINE interaction with me, then do not message me anonymously. Anon messages are fine but then don’t complain about my reply. Don’t tell me how to act, because right now you are as bad as the strange men in public who harass me to SMILE at them.
So stop it. Stop policing other people’s bodies and brains and behaviors. Just stop.
I understand it’s different for you youngins, but back when I joined tumblr we didn’t have to sign a contract promising to be nice to every person who messages us anonymously.
Anyone who has ever messaged me NOT anon has likely received a reply that was polite and sincere. And if they sent me well wishes, I likely sent back genuine gratitude.
If you want a conversation with me, message me from your blog. If you message me anonymously, then you deserve whatever level of sassiness I am feeling on that particular day.
(and here’s a hint: I’m pretty much always sassy)
I do not OWE any of you anything. People telling me I am OBLIGED to be nice is just as annoying as someone telling me I have to fucking smile. I don’t want to be told to smile or be cheerful or be a nice girl anymore than I want to be told how to dress, how to act, or what to do with my body.
Talk to me face to face (the Internet version of that is messaging me from your account, not anonymously), and I will be kind to you. I always am. But if you message me anonymously you have NO right to then complain about me not responding in the way you want me to.
So fuck you anon, I don’t owe you any niceties, let alone anything else.
I have no eloquent words left for how enormous this unhappiness feels.
I have so much homework to do but I’m just laying here and I want to cry and I want to throw up and I want tomorrow to never come.
Two and a half more weeks until I see my psychiatrist. I don’t know if I can wait. Lately every day seems worse than the day before. I don’t know how to fix this.
I need to do my homework but I just can’t. get. off. the. floor.
There are some days I forget to eat
and soon my hands are shaking
like nervous butterflies.
I worry that I don’t drink enough water.
So I drink glass after glass after glass,
until my teeth are chattering
from an internal ice bath.
They say ice water burns
I drink water until I think I might throw up,
Because I hear it flushes toxins, you know?
I’m just a fleshy body, it’s not as if I’m eating heavy metals
while I’m making toast (which takes an eternity
in my little toaster oven)
I find myself with a spoon in the jam jar,
eating it straight.
Does anyone actually like bread?
Just plain bread?
I feel as if it’s merely a vehicle for jam.
Used only to deliver fruity sweetness
into my mouth.
My mom mails me her homemade jam.
Whole shoeboxes of jars that I line up
in my freezer.
I like that jam
because it makes my kitchen
taste like her kitchen.